Thursday, July 08, 2004

Guruji's birthday 

So good, this being here business. Enjoying what I've discovered must be the ultimate in luxuries: to follow one’s whims and listen to what needs to be done for you- eat when you are hungry, rest when tired, explore when adventurous, retreat when contemplative, socialize when outgoing and stay quiet when not. In real life (or, in any case, most people’s realities), so much time is spent stifling desires and needs and working when tired or going out when you just want to stay home and spreading yourself thin, so thin. Many do that here, also. It is very easy to do, going from post-practice coconuts to breakfast to shopping to massage to lunch to emailing to coffee to dinner to sleep without a moment’s pause and quiet. Easier. But there is space and time for other, also. Start to still and listen and make time and space for whatever may come or wash away from these weather-weary shores. These waters are crystal clear and cool and deep.

As I embark on my twilight days of my time here, at just over two weeks to go, it’s all bonus time from hereon out. Pretty much said my farewells, counted blessings, accepted what is a while ago. Slate is cleaned and there for anything else still coming, these last days. What has been coming is deepening relationships and open heart and happy eyes. Can’t hope for too much more than that. Actually, exactly what, if anything, I’d hoped to attain while here: enough strength and heart to spill over and share with others and sustain that state until I can come back and replenish. When I was leaving New York, I worried much about the returning. How I will have less than no money and no job awaiting me. Less worried, now. I can weather this, and that, too. Hopefully score a waitressing gig or three and work my butt off and see how I can do this all over again. All of this. And that, too.

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